The Speckled Mind

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Give a Man a Fish and He'll Deprive the Starving Street Kids of India...

...or, "How the Irony Was Not Lost on Me During Lunch Today."

The Bethel dining center is my eating establishment of choice for lunches every weekday. It is convenient, the price is low and the food is relatively good (said as one who ate 3 squares a day at the U of M dorm cafeterias for two years). But my taste in cuisine is hardly the point of this episode.

As I waded through the private school masses during lunch today I saw a sign that caught my attention: "FISH SANDWICH." Due to my wife's general distaste for seafood, I almost never make fish at home. Thus, even a lackluster piece of sea fare sets my mouth to watering like an overeager gardener in a greenhouse. I promptly got in line and was soon face to face with one of the kind-faced Sodexho employees.

"Could I just get a piece of fish without the bun?"

"No," she replied.

"Are you serious?"

At this point she directed my attention to the sign which (in her defense) clearly read FISH SANDWICH.

Never one to shy away from an argument, I persisted.

"I'm not going to eat the bun. Seriously, I'm just going to set it aside when I get to the table."

At this point, she gave me the finger. And by 'gave me the finger', I mean 'pointed once more at the sign' which, if you recall, clearly read FISH SANDWICH.

"I would seriously rather not throw the bun away. It seems wasteful. Can I just have a piece of fish"

"Here's your fish," she said as she handed me a plate which contained a bun-intact fish sandwich.

Puzzled and bewildered I took my tray to the table, dislodged the fish and set the bun aside. The fish was actually pretty good, if you were wondering. As I chewed though, I couldn't help but think of how wasteful my eating enterprise would be today. After negotiating with myself about how many carrots I had to endure before I could eat dessert, eating those carrots (12, if you were wondering) and eating the dessert, I got up to put my tray away. At the dish washing area I once again lamented wasting a quarter loaf of French bread, but then put the thought out of my mind.

Quickly (because, how else would I work off that dessert) I trotted down the stairs back to my office. Right after I exited the stairs, a well-designed display caught my eye. I walked over and silently read the bold print at the top of the sign, "WANT TO HELP FEED THE STARVING STREET KIDS OF INDIA?" A kind-faced sophomore audibly posed the same question as I stood there confused as to why someone else's voice had invaded my inner monologue. She repeated the question as I snapped out of my daze:

"Do you want to help feed the starving street kids of India?"

"Who...me? Sure," I said as I dislodged a dollar bill from my pocket and brushed away the lint.

I placed the dollar in the donation box and walked away as the kind young undergrad continued to smile, looking for the her program's next benefactor. On the way back to my office I couldn't help but wonder if at any point in the near future Bethel's right hand will figure out what its left hand is doing.

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5 Comments:

  • one word for you, and i think you know what im going to say.

    Mafia.

    By Blogger Bradley M, at 7:39 AM  

  • My wife hates fish, too. What is it with wives and fish? We should start some sort of husband's support group.

    By Blogger Wasp Jerky, at 11:36 AM  

  • Let's see....a seafood support group.

    How about crabs anonymous?

    Ok...maybe not. I'll keep working on that.

    By Blogger timmer k., at 1:21 PM  

  • That is wierd. I would have given you two fishes! And, I happen to be a wife who enjoys fish for all of you who think that is a phenomena. :)
    KP

    By Blogger kanga-posse, at 2:22 PM  

  • A couple of years ago at bethel they had a "no waste food" kick sponsered by SODEXHO, where they ran a campaign to have people eat what they take, blah, blah.
    Which of course is a great idea. Nevertheless once put within the context of the SodexHo food Mafia, it proved bogus. My wife, who worked in the food court underscored their duplicity by noting that all uneated food would have been thrown out anyway since that is "sanitary" policy.

    Alan Price

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:38 AM  

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