What's A Month Between Friends?

As promised, German is finished and I am officially back in the saddle. Unfortunately, the horse is blind and shaped like the letter "U". Oh well, you get what you pay for, I guess. Coincidentally, today's blog is also brought to you by the letter "U". Weird...

I digress...

There really is no better way to get back into the blogging groove than with one of my patented Bits and Pieces episodes. So, for better or worse, here's what I've done/learned in the past month:

1. One of the greatest epidemics facing America today is mumbling. Mumblers can be found just about anywhere, and you can certainly find them at Ebenezer's. A word to the wise--if you insist on mumbling while placing your order, and I respond by asking you to repeat what you just said, IT MEANS I WANT YOU TO ANNUNCIATE THE SECOND TIME YOU SPEAK. Mumbling a second time will only result in me asking what you just said a second time. We could repeat this little game ad nauseum--I really do have all day--or you could put in a little effort and stop placing your order like a primate. Just a suggestion...

-and I'm just getting warmed up!-

2. The German language is crazy. And not the good kind of crazy either. Oh, German, why must your words have 32 letters? Who came up with verbs that have separable prefixes? Why must you place the verb at the very end of the sentence? And, for that matter, why must you write sentences so long they would make Charles Dickens blush?

3. 2008 has been a good hear for music so far. Death Cab for Cutie, Tapes 'n' Tapes, Sigur Ros and Coldplay all have spectacular new albums, and those are just the big names. A host of other, more obscure bands have made my ears very happy this year--amongst them are: Amber Rubarth, Liam Finn, Headlights and Ghost in the Water.

4. Jess and I like visitors. A lot. Have you come to visit us in DC yet? If not, you are running out of time! ACT NOW!! THIS OFFER CAN'T LAST FOREVER!

5. The best movie I've seen in a long time: Lars and the Real Girl. If you haven't seen it yet, put it to the top of your Netflix queue. You won't be sorry. Hopefully I'll get to post something more extensive about this excellent film in the near future.

6. Movie to skip: Prince Caspian. The film version of the C.S. Lewis's excellent book is flaccid from start to finish. It boggles my mind why the director would have departed so much from the book and created motifs that are alien to Lewis's original story telling.

7. I had the privilege of attending Tim Russert's wake last week; Jess and I met his son and wife while we were there. So incredibly sad... He was one of the good guys in a world filled with blathering pundits. NBC won't be the same without him--he was the best in the business and an irreplaceable voice of reason amid the white noise.

8. Has anyone else noticed that the Twins are only 1 1/2 games out of first place? They're far exceeding my expectations for the year. I can't wait until they open the new stadium in 2010.

9. Speaking of sports, I'm happy for Kevin Garnett. It was good to see him get the monkey off his back; though he was well compensated while in the Twin Cities, dealing with Kevin McHale on a daily basis is its own special kind of hell. Congrats, Big Ticket.

10. (HT: Jessica Banti) Be sure to read this excellent and scathing op-ed piece by Thomas Friedman of the NY Times about the insanity of the Bush administration's current energy policy.

11. I confess that I have been regularly listening to NPR's "This American Life" lately. I'm officially an elitist. God have mercy on me...

12. Two of my favorite people came together in one place last week. Click here to see N.T. Wright's appearance on the Colbert Report.

Well, I best be getting to bed. I'm sure there's more to be said, but it will have to wait another day.

Hot Stove Update

Apparently the Red Sox are starting to see things my way.

Ladies and gentlemen, we may be getting a new center fielder from Boston very soon.

And his name won't remind you of a breakfast cereal.

Sports Tidbits

For those of you who chastise me every time I post something sports related--do yourself a favor and just stop reading right now. I like sports. Many people who read this blog regularly also like sports. If you don't like sports, repent. There, I said it.

1. In case you just landed on this planet and haven't been watching the NFL, the Patriots are freaking ridiculous. I have never, EVER seen anything like this in professional football. I honestly can't believe there are still people who think the Patriots will lose a game this season. They WILL go 16-0. They will win the Superbowl. Count on it.
2. I'm getting anxious and frustrated by the relative inaction of the Twins so far this off-season. Detroit goes out and signs Edgar Renteria right away. Then today, the White Sox trade for Orlando Cabrera. Meanwhile, it's unlikely we'll be able to sign Torii Hunter or even Carlos Silva. Though, for the money Silva's sure to get, I'm not sure we want him. One way or another, I have a very bad feeling about this off-season for my favorite squad.
3. As a related note to number one--not bad being a fan of Boston sports lately, eh? Kevin Garnett looks pretty good in green.
4. Lay off Barry Bonds. He took steroids during a period when HGH was not illegal in the game. Besides--how many of the pitchers throwing to him were also juicing? It seems ridiculous to make him the whipping boy for a bad era of baseball.
5. Enjoy jail, Michael Vick.
6. Oh, and the Packers are a pretty good football team (just don't tell my wife I said it...)
   

Who But A-Rod? Part 1

Who But A-Rod...

I think that's an antecedent that will become more and more familiar to baseball fans as this winter wears on. In fact, I think I will start a series on this blog dedicated to the inflated ego, inflated numbers and (soon to be) inflated salary of America's favorite love-to-hate guy.

Today's topic: Who but A-Rod could generate this kind of holistic speculation? Nate Silver of baseballprospectus.com ranked all 30 teams in the order of how likely they are to pursue and sign the slugger. It's good writing and is done as a clever metaphor for the 2008 presidential election.

In case you're wondering, my beloved Twins are ranked 28th and placed in the "Mike Gravel/Tom Tancredo no shot in bloody hell" category. It's a shame. We really need a third baseman.

In Which My Sports Options Are Limited...For Now

Football season, while still ongoing, has been dead in Minnesota since about mid October. Let's face it, folks--this was about the worst season of Vikings football in Minnesota's history. The worst part is that the future looks about as bright as Ralph Wiggum taking an abstract algebra exam.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, friends. Baseball season--and with it the return of our beloved Minnesota Twins--is not as far away as one might think. Twins Spring Training begins soon, with pitchers and catchers reporting in mid February, and the first pre-season game on February 28th vs. Boston.

Now, you may be thinking, "Who cares about spring training?". Well, I do...and you should too. After all, it relieves us all from the dreaded sports dry spell in which our only options are the NBA, the NHL, or...Nascar. And, in case you're like me and need something objective to help you measure how long you will need to endure the aforementioned three sports, I have embedded a handy dandy countdown clock in the sidebar. Who says a music major can't figure out HTML code?

For those who do still care about football--who are you picking to win the Super Bowl? My money--were I a betting man--would be on the Colts. I think Peyton Manning will find a way to get it done this year, despite the America-feel-good-storyline that would occur with a New Orleans win. Step right up and place your 'nothing to gain but bragging rights' bets, folks.

Riggs, Rigging and the Hope Brokers

I used to work with a guy named Riggs at the local butcher shop when I was in high school. Riggs was a middle aged guy with an unhealthy interest in firearms, women to whom he wasn't married and meat. I guess his interest in meat wasn't unhealthy, per se, but he did lose part of a finger in the meat saw once. Anyway, Riggs was also an armchair conspiracy theorist--the kind who was convinced that Big Brother was always looking over his shoulder and that Tupac lived. All things told, I think his time in 'Nam had something to do with the bizarre way he viewed reality. I never took his rants too seriously though, and I often had a good laugh at his expense.

One of the most curious conspiracy theories Riggs held was that EVERY sports game was rigged. The players weren't actually trying to win a game as much as they were following a script. From the fumbled snap to the finger tip catch, every Football game was planned in advance. From the shootout to the headbutt, every Futbol match was crafted by the higher-ups. The strikeouts. The grand slams. All part of some larger plan. Oddly enough, Riggs was still an avid sports (read *Packers*) fan. It seemed to me that the emergence of this theory correlated a little too closely with the Packers' loss to the lowly Colts in 1997. One way or another, the whole idea seemed crazy. If the purpose of sports is not pure, unpredictable entertainment what's the point? After all, who could possibly benefit from such a grand organized system?

The 'Hope Brokers', that's who.

Stick with me on this one. After watching the Twins and the Vikings for a number of years, I think Riggs might be on to something...either that or cheering for Minnesota sports teams has finally gotten the best of my sanity. What else could explain the 'on again, off again' talent of these teams? How else do the Twins look like nation's best team in June and then lose with Liriano on the mound last night? How else do the Vikings lose with Dante calling plays and then burgeon with a 40 year old white guy at the helm?

So here's the deal. I don't think "they" are trying to entertain us, as much as they are selling us a measurable quantity of Hope like it's an addictive substance. That's the reason we keep coming back. Not because we like the Vikings. Not because we like the Twins. Not because we like the Yankees...okay, that one is a given. Rather, it is because we all need something to hope in. And what's great about sports teams is that you can look in the morning paper and see if your hope was realized or held in vain. There's been more vanity than realization with me and the Twins this summer...a bit more more Ecclesiastes than Revelation in that sense. But every morning, I come back like a junkie looking for his fix.

So what if the Twins are 12 games back in the Central? So what if the Vikings have a team full of no-names. I am a man who has plucked Hope from the Tree of Knowledge and eaten my fill; now no amount of morning-after statistics in the paper can cover the shame of my addiction. "They" have lured me into the Hope vaccuum, and I am now a captive consumer of a phenomenon.

So maybe Riggs was right. Maybe he was insane. One thing is for sure--I like the Twins' chances tonight against Cleveland.